more blooz
12-03-03.13:04

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wow! two entries in a row. i'm still ranting about my burdei. it's cause i'm getting old! and i can't complain right? i have a loving husband. beautiful children. a humble home. i don't look my age. 'wink-wink' i have good friends. what's eating me then? i'm 25 working as a ride attendant. i mean it's a cool gig but not the money i expect myself to make at this age. even before i've made more than this. but i like my job. like i said i love to stand a thousand feet above las vegas and get paid to hang there. i wanted to be a teacher. all my college credits are going to waste right now. all 60 of them. what is wrong with me. i seem to have no direction. i'm just living. is this life? aaaaaarggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! ok then again i also wanted to be a corporate lawyer and a writer. my book! with all the expenses we've had and my low pay i can't save anything! i want to write for a magazine then i don't want to write about glittery eyeshadow. not my thing really. i just want to write my poetry and help people express how they feel and let it out. how do i do that. i thought i could by writing cards. but i've searched and i still don't have them means nor the time to get to it. i want to visit the philippines or another foreign country. shit i just wanna go to san jose and visit some friends and i can't even do that. i want a new car i'm not asking for a BMW or a caddy i just want a jeep wrangler. 'sigh' i almost feel trapped in a world i made myself to revolve around me. it's not bad though but i feel weird.

i'm listening to evanesense can you tell i'm depressed for some odd reason? ok maybe depressed is too deep of a word to use i'm just whatever..my burdei is coming i'm halfway to 30! then again i'm also listening to techno. damn, since i stared working in the rides all they play up their is techno and i got into it. it's not a bad thing really. and i was introduced to chayanne. he's supposed to be a really popular latin singer. i can see why. so i'm trying to learn some of his songs. right now i'm working on atado a tu amor (tied to your love)

i'm gonna work more on my compilation for my book. oh and i'm still waiting for a phone call! 'frown' i was watching a rerun of ally mcbeal about her burdei and she was having the blues too. soo me. ok, it's like i've been through so much in my life and i've learned so much in the process but here i am still. i went through all that and here i am..still. aw, i shouldn't complian. i'm lucky. i want more. i want it all. i'm too greedy. i need to be satisfied. i don't know. i have a purpose and i haven't figured it out or i haven't recieved it?

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