spin
10-15-03.16:16

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so bored and i have a headache. just feeling not myself lately. i don't knwo what i want though. need to think. but i'm tired of thinking of not knowing what to think about. i'm going crazy. can't believe another week has passed soo unnoticed cause nothing intersting ever goes on lately. i have begun to isolate myself at work. things are actually better. i dont talk to people like i used to i tend to withhold syaing how i really feel and just end up ignoring them or saying hi and avoiding a conversation. which is better i can just keep to myself with no trouble and no worries. if people still talk shit about me then i don't know what else to do. me and melanie got in conflict with this cashman photo girl, she's filipina and reminds me of my mom cause she's fat. 'snickers' but yeah she has the attitude of the pinay's that come from the bundoks (mountains) the ones that migrate to manila and become our maids. heheh. poor thing. gosh my heads hurts. i was playing luigi's mansion that's why. hazel has been on haitus for a long ass time. i miss her. i found my long lost friend from san jose, kristy. that was cool. it made me happy. i remember we used to have no money, this is back in 1993 and we'd take the 73 bus from capitol exprress way to eastridge mall. we'd window shop alot. we always listened to rumpshaker, ain't nuthin but a g thang, ditty, saving forever, cool like dat....'sigh' those were the days. sometimes we'd walk to this laundry mat beside a pizze place where we'd buy clearly canadian and rent filipino movies. we played super mario 3 alot, and whenever the ice cream man came we'd run outside to buy pica limon for a dime. i miss her. that was when i was 13 and she was 9. now i'm 24 and she's 20. i have two boys and she's expecting one. funny how things seem to be the same over a period of time that feels like yesterday but was over a decade ago, and things are totally different. the only similarity is the association. she said when the baby is born and big enough she'll come visit me. i probably won't be able to wait that long and go drive over there myself.

melanie and i had lunch the other day and almost got kicked out of pinoy pinay restaurant. we had our order ready and we even got extra viand, some chocolate meat. right when we get to the counter i even remind her that this isn't mcdonalds so no free refill and we whip out our check cards and the cashier goes. "we don't accept credit cards" melanie was like "you've got to be kidding!" we had no cash and he wasn't kidding. to make matters worse we were causeing a scene. i could only imagine what these filipino fobs behind us were thinking. the cashier told us i should've known and to put out food on top of the trash can and walk to 7'11 to withdraw money from the atm and come back. i told melanie i didnt want to leave my food so we left. dang it'll be along time before we could go back in there. we ended up driving to this little canteen up on charleston and ate at a filipino buffet over there. turn out they still didnt accept atm but there was one right beside them and they were much nice about it so we stayed and they also had the stuff pinoy pinay had the only difference is that we get it ourselves unlimiitedly.

i feel like i'm missing alot of things in my life right now that's why i feel strange. i want to go back to school and finish what i started, but i don't have the time and money. i enrolled to go homeschooling to get a diploma in free lance writing and after that i plan to take on creative writing. i wish it was so easy that i could put up my own business but i have no funds just ideas. how sad! i need a brake job. but on the brighter side i got my tire with a nail fixed. turns out there was about three nails in it. i wish who ever put it in there dies! bwahahaha! just kidding, cause if they did i wouldnt want the guilt on me. i'm mostly just letting everything around me ride. i'm watching what is there hopefully i can pick out the important things that are spinning around me.

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